Realisation About Journeys
This is one of those ‘obvious realisations’… a realisation that, when you have it, feels like it’s so obvious you can’t believe you haven’t had it before.
I’m sharing this one in case there’s someone else for whom this isn’t yet obvious.
This particular one is specifically relating to spirituality, but I came to it via a conversation about autism.
Speaking of Autism (to Spirituality)
In a recent conversation with a few other neurodivergent adults, we were discussing different perspectives on autism and ADHD.
I mentioned it still shocks me when I say I’m being assessed for autism, and the response is:
‘Oh, I’m sure you don’t have it.’
As in, they’re trying to reassure me that I don’t have autism.
Now, if you’ve gone through any journey around ADHD/autism, you are probably familiar with the feeling of ‘oh my god this explains so much of my life’ as you do research around it.
For me, if I don’t get a diagnosis, that means all these things that make sense within an autism lens, are all of a sudden just things that make my life difficult with no explanation.
They just don't have the context
In that moment, when people ‘reassure’ me that I’m probably not autistic, as if being autistic would be the worst thing in the world, I *want* to explain all the information about neurodivergence and what it means.
But there’s no time (and it’s usually not an appropriate situation) for me to explain all the articles I’ve read, the videos I’ve watched, the assessments I’ve already taken.
The different ways autism shows up and how in some ways it makes things really hard and in other ways there are things I’m proud of in my brain working differently.
To ‘get’ them to the same place I am would take way more time than is available or maybe even possible.
(I say ‘get’ because we can’t really make anyone believe anything, so it’s more of, to share all the information I’ve shared so then they may or may not understand what I’m talking about).
Being okay with them not understanding
Instead, I just take a breath in my brain and remind myself that I only have the perspective I have because of my lived experience and the information I’ve been exposed to.
They don’t have that same information, awareness, or experience, so they just won’t know.
And that’s okay.
Same with spirituality
In that same conversation, I started to talk a bit about what I do (releasing emotional energy from bodies that may be related to this or past lives & either causing pain or stopping people from being able to show up how they want to).
Knowing that people in this group would not believe in spiritual stuff.
Just like I didn’t believe in spiritual stuff 6-7 years ago – at least, not the way I do now.
I wanted to explain
I found myself starting to explain – oh, I know, I didn’t believe in this stuff before either, but then…
And I proceeded to try to info-dump (as parsimoniously as possible) about the experiences I’ve had and the research that exists, things like –
- I had a client who had this pain and nothing else helped until we connected with the body and found a past life
- There’s actually research – REAL research, double and triple blinded and controlled for variable – on some of these spiritual phenomenon
- There’s corroboration! In my sessions, we both see the same things or experience similar things!
Then I realised...
THIS is exactly like what I was *just* saying about autism.
Someone who hasn’t had spiritual experiences (or has had bad experiences with spirituality / people in that community), who hasn’t seen or experienced what I have, won’t have the same perspective I will.
That I can’t force-feed my entire life experience into someone to ‘prove’ to them that I’m not some weirdo who believes in baseless, evidence-less conspiracy theories or who doesn’t respect science.
I have to have to same attitude to my spiritual journey as I have to my neurodivergent one.
It's trickier with spirituality because...
I believe it’s trickier with spirituality because a lot of us who have come from more skeptical / logical / scientific places have seen a lot of questionable behaviour in the name of spirituality.
We’ve seen abuses of power, people becoming incredibly delusional, or buying into whatever spiritual practice they’re doing so much that they create real harm in human lives – but feel it’s justified.
I know I don’t want to become that.
For a long time, my ‘guardrail’ was – unconsciously – if I can explain my spiritual views in a way that shows I’m still logical and rational to everyone then I’m still okay.
But this conversation made me realise (again, as I’ve had a similar-ish realisation before) that THAT is an impossible task.
Instead, I need to focus on the smart, kind, and spiritual people in my life who I respect, who hold the same values I do, and take their feedback seriously.
They’re going to be my guardrails, and I’ll do my best to be theirs.
Spirituality CAN be a slippery slope down to spiritual psychosis, the alt-right pipeline, and even cult-like behaviour.
We do need to have external support as we navigate it.
But we'll never be on the same page with everyone
Wanting everyone to sign off on ANY journey is never going to be realistic.
And we are going to have to accept that people are going to think we’re fundamentally wrong.
As long as we can build a community of people with our values, who can help us navigate ethics of our decisions, AND we can take feedback even if it’s showing us where we messed up (without getting defensive or victimising ourselves), I believe we can safely let go of needing approval of ‘everyone’.
It's time to let it go
My next challenge is to start to talk more about my work, and what I do, even though I know some people will switch off, or instantly dismiss me.
My instinct will be to try and convince them that, while they don’t have to believe what I believe, that I’m not basing what I believe on nothing.
I can’t let the fact that some people are going to write me off just because I hold beliefs of the spiritual variety stop me from sharing what I’m learning and helping people find and release the things that are holding them back.
Now for you
I know a lot of people struggle with shifting identities and trying to explain that shift to people around them, and the judgment from others that may come from that.
Where in your life are you holding back from what you want to talk about, learn about, do work in, because you feel it’s your responsibility to convince everyone that it makes sense?
If it’s something that IS a shift in identity that *could* take you down a worrying path, what guardrails / safety measures do you need to put in place?
I’d love to know your thoughts in the comments.
